How can I say this, or how can I write this? It still Hurts to think about it and even to write about it. Some say time heals many wounds and talking about things make it easier… Here goes to trying to erase an incident from my past…
I cannot remember the year it happened; it still hurts to think about it. I do know I had left everything I had known and loved at home. Home; 13 to 15 hours away if you fly, oceans and oceans away if you want to consider going by water. I had left everything I had known for 21 years to start a dream that I had been born to live.
In a foreign land I now call home; I am a student, a student of life and in an academic institution my father had been a part of.
I get a call from my brother, she is dead.
I say what do you mean she is dead? He says mommy did not know how to tell you but its true; she died! You know how sick she has been and how strong she has been the past 8 years. Doctors had said she would not live to be even 7 years old but she did bravely and beat all their odds. Be strong, trust God… It will work out, she is in heaven.
I know all that, but she is only 8 years old! She is my cousin, Ada, whom having no sisters, I had come to love as my little sister. She was born with a hole in the heart, born in a time and a place where such medical maladies could be and are fatal but in another world and place, such maladies are curable/fixable miracles wrought everyday in hospitals…
I had just talked to her, I had told her, do not worry. You will be coming to visit me and we will go see the best doctors in the field. She smiled, I could hear it in her voice over the phone. I was praying and looking forward to that visit expectantly and praying that she and her mom get visa’s to come.
She was gone to soon.
What hurts even more is grandpa died not too long ago, a couple months I may add, a couple months before she died.
Here am I in school, in a foreign land and cannot go home! I cannot afford to do that. I cannot go to say farewell to one whom I had come to call my sister and to grandpa who I will add was the best grandpa any one could wish for. ..
I’d love to erase the fact that she could not have come here to see the doctors.
Worse still I could not be at their funerals.
Grandma passed a few years ago. I was here, in this land that I have learned to love… I could not be at her funeral too!
This is what I will erase: that I was not there to say good bye.
In my heart, I hear their voices. I see their smiles and they still live on. I know they are with Jesus and that makes it even better because, I will see them all someday.